I wonder if it's always been this time of year when I've felt this restlessness, the need for change. In some ways my spirit, my personality is solid, grounder but there's another side of me that gets restless now and then.
A restless me to drift and roam
A quiet me to stay at home.
The quiet me has been settled the past few years but I think her cage is being rattled a bit right now. For the past few days I've been fighting feeling rebellious, which at my age exhibits in a craving for chocolate and cream donuts and anything else that is forbidden under my current strict eating regime. I've resisted so far but only because I know I'll suffer and be sorry if I don't. Yesterday in the supermarket I got quite excited when I found some gluten, dairy and lactose free chocolate biscuits. Egg free, too, but I'm OK with eggs. They taste like flavoured - hard to decipher which flavour - chaff.
If I had the funds I'd be off to a far away place, arctic blue or tropic green. The places I've seen and loved - and other exotic places I've only seen in my dreams.
I'll just have to keep focusing on the two happy occasions on my horizon until the feelings drift away. They will. And maybe when they return again I'll handle them better. Who knows? It could happen.
At the end of June there will be a happy reunion with most of my siblings in Australia. It's been so long since we've seen each other!
And, breaking news, in November my son will be coming home from Brasil for a couple of months. And I will get to meet and spend Granny time with little two year old Emilia. I cry with joy every time I think of it.