The spring weather has been as unpredictable as always. I just give thanks that I live in the north and not in the South Island which has really been copping it.
I'm at a bit of a loose end. There's no much I could be doing but I don't want to do any of it, lack the energy and the enthusiasm.
I'm sort of bored with myself, if that makes sense, vaguely looking for the stimulus to kick start a sense of purpose. Spring, with it's new life, new beginnings is all around me and I just sit and wait for what happens next.
It's been two whole weeks since I’ve felt like creating anything. That’s something of a drought for me.
I finished all my Christmas present sewing projects and fell into a strange place, a
mood that was very unusual for me. I suppose we can all, from time to
time, be gripped by moods that are vastly different from our usual mien.
A little random gene that manages to fight its way past all the others
that dominate, fights its way to the surface and takes command for a
time. I'm confident it will soon be beaten back into the depths by the daily troops. For the moment that little random gene is holding all the others at bay – pretty good
going for something that only pops up maybe once or twice a lifetime.
For the past week the only word I can think of to describe my mood is a malaise which is a word I associate with Victorian ladies who fainted and swooned and drifted around the place in a dream. Weren’t they always sinking into a malaise at the drop of a hat? In my malaise I just feel exhausted, lifeless, zero energy, it's an effort to walk to the kitchen to turn on the kettle let alone feed myself. I don't feel unwell in any way, I just don't feel myself.
And my mind feels as decrepit as my body, can't concentrate, had to swap books as the one I was reading suddenly became far too difficult to follow. And I even had trouble following the plot in a bodice ripper.
For the past week the only word I can think of to describe my mood is a malaise which is a word I associate with Victorian ladies who fainted and swooned and drifted around the place in a dream. Weren’t they always sinking into a malaise at the drop of a hat? In my malaise I just feel exhausted, lifeless, zero energy, it's an effort to walk to the kitchen to turn on the kettle let alone feed myself. I don't feel unwell in any way, I just don't feel myself.
And my mind feels as decrepit as my body, can't concentrate, had to swap books as the one I was reading suddenly became far too difficult to follow. And I even had trouble following the plot in a bodice ripper.
I'm confident eventually
my daily genes will regain command, I will wake up one morning soon and my old self will be back. I know my instinct to write about this until I can make sense of it will save me. It's always been the way for me when something doesn't make sense.
I do hope you come back to your old self, Pauline. Spring makes most of us tired for some reason. Take care.
ReplyDeleteI'm much better already, thanks, Margaret. Got asked to do some sewing for a neighbour which required some concentration. Somehow that refocused me.
DeleteHave you thought about getting a check-up, just to make sure it's not more than malaise? If everything checks out normal, perhaps it might help to volunteer for a good cause you believe in.
ReplyDeleteHi, I think part of why I was feeling "different" was I recently gave up my weekly volunteer job because of health problems. I know I miss the contact with the people. Maybe we don't adjust to change as quickly when we're a bit older.
DeleteI feel the same, like days are blurring into one. Wonder if you need a change of scenery?
ReplyDeleteHi Amy, You've reminded me that I haven't enjoyed different scenery in ages. I usually know when I need to feel the wind of a west coast beach. Think I'll take a drive this week. That always lifts my spirits.
DeleteI can relate to exactly what you've explained as I've been in that state before. I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing, it's just past of the journey. I found getting out into nature - park walks, beach walks, neighbourhood walks, countryside walks - helped a lot.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Bernie, You're right there are many stages to our journey through life, some are bound to be different. Cheers.
ReplyDeleteI've had days like that. Its unnerving. (Is there such a word?) I find walking and socialising helped me snap out of it. I find it hard because hubby isn't motivated to do anything other than watching You Tube. Anyway tomorrow we are going to try to find our way to where my daughter has bought a house in North Brisbane. Driving a new car with too many bells and whistles.
ReplyDelete