This afternoon as I was driving home from work I was particularly pleased with myself. Physically I was encased in the car but in my mind I was doing those little leaps where you click your heels out to the side. Why didn't I do more of them when I actually could? I guess I was too busy being and doing all the things I thought it was important to be and do.
I haven't been panicking about any difficulty I've had learning my new job, have had enough new jobs over the years to know it just takes a while and one day you look around and bingo, you have it sussed. Today was my bingo day. So I had my mental celebration.
I was in a real "life is good" space all the way home. Telling myself how fortunate I am that Lewey, my dog, is useless at what he was bred to do but is a wonderful best friend and guardian angel. How fortunate I am to live in a way that fear is not a normal reaction. That I live in a place where I feel safe, protected, loved. Near my wonderful son who looks out for me, his wife who is a good friend and with his beautiful children to keep me company.
But it doesn't pay to get all misty eyed about one's good fortune, I guess. This world of mine might be a wonderful world but it is the real world. The minute I turned my car into the drive I saw a cow stretched out in the paddock next to the house. A newborn calf was laying close to her but she was in a dreadful state. I heard her soft, mournful lowing and all the happiness disappeared. I can't describe what had happened to her, you honestly would not want to know but, believe me, it wasn't pretty and I was sure she wouldn't survive.
I rang my son's house and Heather came down immediately. We looked at each other without saying much and she rang Danny to come at once.
We are lucky to have a vet living just a few kms down the road and luckier still that he was at home and could come immediately. He's an extremely nice young man about my son's age and they are quite good friends.
He felt there was a chance the cow could be saved but what he had to do wasn't simple or easy. It was a very messy and physically challenging exercise.
I had to come away, I found it too distressing to watch. A reminder of how much I've forgotten about the hard side of farming while indulging myself in all the good bits. How you must sometimes be cruel to be kind, do things it's easier to leave undone.
Will she survive? I doubt it after what she's been through today but I hope so, I fervently hope so.
I haven't been panicking about any difficulty I've had learning my new job, have had enough new jobs over the years to know it just takes a while and one day you look around and bingo, you have it sussed. Today was my bingo day. So I had my mental celebration.
I was in a real "life is good" space all the way home. Telling myself how fortunate I am that Lewey, my dog, is useless at what he was bred to do but is a wonderful best friend and guardian angel. How fortunate I am to live in a way that fear is not a normal reaction. That I live in a place where I feel safe, protected, loved. Near my wonderful son who looks out for me, his wife who is a good friend and with his beautiful children to keep me company.
But it doesn't pay to get all misty eyed about one's good fortune, I guess. This world of mine might be a wonderful world but it is the real world. The minute I turned my car into the drive I saw a cow stretched out in the paddock next to the house. A newborn calf was laying close to her but she was in a dreadful state. I heard her soft, mournful lowing and all the happiness disappeared. I can't describe what had happened to her, you honestly would not want to know but, believe me, it wasn't pretty and I was sure she wouldn't survive.
I rang my son's house and Heather came down immediately. We looked at each other without saying much and she rang Danny to come at once.
We are lucky to have a vet living just a few kms down the road and luckier still that he was at home and could come immediately. He's an extremely nice young man about my son's age and they are quite good friends.
He felt there was a chance the cow could be saved but what he had to do wasn't simple or easy. It was a very messy and physically challenging exercise.
I had to come away, I found it too distressing to watch. A reminder of how much I've forgotten about the hard side of farming while indulging myself in all the good bits. How you must sometimes be cruel to be kind, do things it's easier to leave undone.
Will she survive? I doubt it after what she's been through today but I hope so, I fervently hope so.
I'm so pleased for you in your job. It is just a shame that you had to return to the unpleasant side of reality. It occurred to me that there is another aspect to what you said as well. You feel you are lucky. It sounds to me as if your Son and Daughter in Law are lucky too - they have you.
ReplyDeleteI'm in love with your blog (after reading only 4 posts -- that should help you understand how I came to get married 3 times). Your way of looking at things and your hard-won philosophy of life really resonate with me. I'm hoping to find time over the weekend to go back to your first post and read forward. (And then we'll see if my infatuation holds up!)
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