Saturday is just another day when you're in isolation. Today there is a chilly wind, so the doors are closed and suddenly it does feel like I am more isolated. Isn't that strange? Can my feelings really depend on whether the doors are open or shut? Don't know if it's at all relevant but this old house has a lot more doors than windows, I rely on the doors for fresh air. And I've never liked feeling enclosed, locked in.
I'm very fortunate in that I generally sleep well. Last night I didn't. I'd watched a movie about the sexual abuse of boys in the Catholic Church which I found really disturbing. This lead to me navel-gazing rather than sleeping, the mind has a strange way of working. I have seven brothers who were raised Catholic, a couple of them were altar boys and the very thought that one of them could have been abused just makes me want to cry. Instead of sleeping, I lay there thinking about the different parish priests of my childhood and wondering if any of them could have been a predator. But what was keeping me awake was the fact that it took me until I'm 75 to consciously accept that things like that could have happened to those I love. I knew it to be a fact but had never allowed myself to think about how close it was to my childhood. I really beat myself up about that and the sadness is still with me. I think what I'm feeling might be guilt.
It's not like me to share my thoughts so openly but, if having them is associated with self-isolation, then I do so for Jami's project. No doubt it is already proven that people become introspective after a certain time in isolation, but what is the difference between the nationality/locality/age where it happens? It would be interesting to know.
That's enough thinking for me for one day.
950 total cases, 13 in Northland
82 new cases
13 in hospital
13 in hospital
127 recovered
1 death
1 death
This sort of thing is still prevalent. If it isn't one lot of pervs it's another. The church and Barnardos just get replaced by Oxfam, Save the Childen, et al. They want hanging.
ReplyDeleteCan't think of any punishment that would be good (bad) enough, Adrian.
DeletePauline, I know people cannot necessarily help how they feel, but there is no reason whatsoever why you should feel guilty because of what may or may not have happened to those close to you. I wrote a lot more but deleted it. It's a great shame we won't be sharing a bottle of wine over a meal on a safari again: there's so much we never covered.
ReplyDeleteOn a lighter note I am only on Day 17 and, so far, have not even vaguely managed to get everything done that I intended each day. How much of that is poddling around being sidetracked I'm not sure. Procrastination is, I think, at a slightly lower level than before SI (self isolation) but that may be because I had a lot more options before lockdown. Added to that we've had a few days where the weather has been good enough to get into the garden and get some work done.
Ahh, to share a botte of wine in some back-roads spot, Graham. So many subject uncovered. I'm just thankful for the good times we did enjoy.
DeleteSo much harm was done to so many, by so many. Don't get me started on the subject. No punishment is enough for the perpetrators, in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteAs we shut our eyes at night, so often, one's mind suddenly comes alive with myriad thoughts. A can of works has nothing on the mind when it is in that mood!
Take good care, Pauline...stay safe...stay well. Best wishes to you and yours. :)
Hi Lee, Your corner of the world must be wonderful at the moment without the tourists. Stay well.
ReplyDeleteHave you thought of putting in screen doors with glass that slides so you can use the doors as extra "windows" when the weather is not so good?
ReplyDeleteIt is scary to think of anyone in authority from any background or tradition abusing children, it chills me to the core.