Sunday, May 3, 2009

My malaise

Two whole weeks since I’ve felt like writing. That’s something of a drought for me.

I finished my temping job two weeks ago and fell into a strange place, a mood that was very unusual for me. I suppose we can all, from time to time, be gripped by moods that are vastly different from our usual mien. A little random gene that manages to fight its way past all the others that dominate, fights its way to the surface and takes command for a time before being beaten back into the depths by the daily troops. My little random gene held all the others at bay for a week – pretty good going for something that only pops up maybe once a lifetime.

For a week the only word I can think of to describe my mood was a malaise which is a word I associate with Victorian ladies who fainted and swooned and drifted around the place in a dream. Weren’t they always sinking into a malaise at the drop of a hat? In my malaise I just felt exhausted, lifeless, had zero energy, it was an effort to walk to the kitchen to turn on the kettle let alone feed myself. I didn’t feel unwell in any way, I just didn’t feel well.

And my mind was as decrepit as my body, couldn’t concentrate, had to swap books as the one I was reading suddenly became far too difficult to follow. And I even had trouble following the plot in a bodice ripper.

But eventually my daily genes regained command, I woke up one morning and my old self was back. My old self without the urge to write. In its place was a desire to make things, to be creative in my own very uncreative way. I even got out the sewing machine which is over 40 years old. Every time I get it out I think this will be it, it will have given up the ghost this time. And every time I oil it before I put it away (which I have done industriously since the day I bought it) I tell myself it will be a waste of oil. It doesn’t do anything fancy but it has served me well. And in all that time it has had only one service! That was 7 years ago. When I took it to the technician he looked absolutely horrified when told it had never had a cent spent on it.

Anyway, other than my malaise there have been two other highlights in the past fortnight. I hadn’t been to my regular exercise class for ages because of the flatulence problem, which you will be pleased to hear is back to normal, can’t claim it is gone because I’m not dead yet. On Tuesday I rejoined the group. It has grown in my absence, there are a couple of new men in the group and that has really changed the group dynamic, added a competitive edge. Our indoor hockey game was stunningly fast and furious for such a bunch of oldies and it was terrific fun. Weird to claim getting breathless, hot and sweaty fun when the fun is had in public, huh?

The next afternoon my friend, Chris and I went for a long beach walk. It was one of those truly glorious times on the beach. No wind, the surf was up and the misty spray from the water just hung over the beach, making it soft and hazy, very pastel coloured. Not many people on the beach, a few out surfing, a few fishing, a man exercising his dog. It felt quite magical. I regretted not having my camera with me but probably wouldn't have been able to capture it anyway. Magic is magic!

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