Thursday, April 16, 2009

There are some things ......

I have one major difficulty being a blogger. Well, more than one right now but one that will continue even when the temporary impediments to my blogging are removed. I should be back to my normal blogging activities in a few weeks but I bet impediment #1 continues.

My big problem is that when something is on my mind I can’t easily put it aside and communicate about anything else. This goes for my daily personal interactions as well as blogging. And even if that something is a little indelicate I still need to get it out in the open.

I’ve avoided blogging about losing weight because how boring is that? It’s been such a long, drawn out process anyway. Tempting as it has been to share my elation when another ounce has been shed, I haven’t felt a compulsion to do so. And wouldn’t be talking about it now except I suspect the change of diet is a contributing factor to my current situation.

I also haven’t blogged about quitting smoking because, well, because it hasn’t been much bloody fun. And it’s only been three weeks so there’s a long way to go yet.

Since I lost a bit of weight, I’ve felt more active. Since I quit smoking I can’t sit still. Every sitting activity has a smoking association to me. If I sit I have to pick up my knitting or go stir crazy. So, as I regard myself as crazy enough to begin with, I’ve been a lot more active than usual. My poor garden is being constantly messed with. Lewey, my old faithful dog, no longer gets excited every time I step outside the door expecting a walk. He just sleepily checks me out with one eye and has given up trying to understand what’s happening to his world.

And since I have actually managed to lose weight (did I mention it wasn’t easy?) I don’t want to put it all back on again by replacing my fags with food. So I’ve become a gum chewer. Me, whose children were not permitted to chew gum. Me who doesn’t even allow her grandchildren to chew gum in front of her. Yep, I’m a constant chewer.

So there are a few factors at work when it comes to my present predicament. Consider these:
Change of diet
Chewing gum
Additional exercise
And add in hereditary factors (It's always such a relief to discover hereditary factors can be blamed for something, isn't it?)

Are you guessing that the one thing on my mind which I simply can’t forget about is a flatulence problem? Guess you didn’t know that chewing gum was a factor, huh? Or that it could get to be such a problem that it outweighs all other possible subjects for discussion.

I kid you not – it is a major problem. Even for an “earthy” creature like me. I try in all matters to let nature take its course. Although my kids weren’t allowed to chew gum I never made a fuss about the odd fart. I always thought it was natural and healthy, that if you have an urge to fart you should do so. Oh boy, if only I had taught myself some anal sphincter control.

It’s got to the stage now where it is interfering with my social life. I have avoided my regular exercise class two weeks in a row. I can imagine all too clearly what would happen during indoor hockey or cricket. The slightest exertion would have a resounding result. I’ve been taking long solitary walks instead. At work I try to remember to take myself outside every half hour or so and walk around a bit to see if there is anything waiting to be released. One day I forgot and took advantage of my co-worker’s absence from the office to gain relief but she returned sooner than I expected and I had to apologise. She was so embarrassed , farting is not something she would normally discuss with me. I know, I know, it should have been me who was embarrassed!

Today I started taking charcoal tablets.


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